Top Tens

By Kagayaki Ame

 

This is the result of reading one humorous fanfic after another mixed with very bad humor and a lack of sleep. DON’T READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED and please don’t flame me…

 

Top ten lines you’d never hear from Kenshin…

 

  1. I don’t feel like saving Kaoru’s ass today…
  2. * lascivious grin * I’ll let you hold my sakabatou if you screw me…
  3. Cook your own goddamn food, bitch!
  4. Wash your own goddamn clothes, bitch!
  5. Clean your own goddamn dojo, bitch!
  6. You do realize the reason I’m sticking around here is because I expect you to put out eventually, right? Don’t worry. I’m patient…
  7. That’s one hell of a rack, Megumi!
  8. Take these two fucking little brats off of me!
  9. C’mere Sano, my little brillo pad, an’ give daddy some luvin!
  10. I’m so damn SEXY!!!! (Hey, I agree with this one…)

* 11. (bonus) Hey, hot momma, I hear chicks dig scars… check it ouuuuuuuut!

 

Top ten lines you’ll never hear from Kaoru…

 

  1. I’ll bet that long sakabatou is compensation for your other shortcomings…
  2. Sorry, Kenshin. I’m not a virgin. Sano beat you to it.
  3. If I had a dick, Megumi, I’d tell you to suck it.
  4. Hey, Kenshin, yours isn’t the first “sword” I’ve handled…
  5. Screw what you’ve heard, Kenshin. Size DOES matter
  6. Not tonight, Kenshin. I mean, damn, you have two hands don’t you???
  7. No, I was kidding when I said I loved you, Kenshin…
  8. Don’t you, oh I don’t know, MISS your Rurouni days, Kenshin? I’m sure they miss you…
  9. (Morning After…) Oh, shit! What have I done?!… Oh it’s you, Enishi! Dammit, I told you about that redheaded wig…
  10. They call me the slut-of-the-sword ‘round these parts…

 

Top ten lines you’ll never hear from Sano…

 

  1. I feel pretty… oh so pretty… I feel pretty and witty and gay! (West Side Story if you didn’t know…)
  2. Yes, yes, that’s it, Kenshin! Get in touch with your feminine side…
  3. (In Darth Vader voice) Yahiko, I am your father… * heavy breathing *
  4. Yes, yes, Kenshin! Right there… oooh yes… * heavy breathing *
  5. C’mere Kenshin, my lil’ carrot flavored ju-ju bee, an’ give Daddy some luvin’!
  6. Yes, that’s right, Megumi. Sew a pink symbol onto my gi that says ‘kawaii’!
  7. I’m BAD, I’m BAD, you know it, you know! And the whole has the answer right now, and I’ll tell you once again; WHO’S BAD?
  8. My name is SANOOOOOOOO! SANO-SUKE! Bawitdaba-dabang-dabang-diggy-diggy-diggy say the boogie say up jumps the boogie…
  9. I’m a Japanese Badass! (Kid Rock yet again)
  10. Kenshin’s not just my friend; he’s my ‘life partner’… m-kay?

 

Top ten lines you’ll never hear from Tomoe… (Assuming she’s alive to know these people)

 

  1. Fuck you and those damn Daicon radishes! (OAV reference)
  2. No I’m not pissed that you killed my fiancé, you bastard! Why would THAT upset me?!
  3. Oh, is that Kaoru? Don’t you think pretty was an overstatement?
  4. Diary? Oh that’s not a diary that’s a book of my conquests… let’s see now… number 186, Battousai… * looks at Kenshin * 3 out of 5 stars…
  5. I don’t speak to you much because I don’t like you much, Kenshin. Take a hint…
  6. (bored) Yes, yes.. right there, Kenshin. Oh you really turn me on… * yawns *
  7. When you say sheathe, do you mean I have to fuck him?
  8. No, you heard me wrong. I didn’t say he was my brother, I said he was my lover
  9. It just looks like a sword. It’s really a dildo…
  10. Why can’t you be more like Katsura? Y’know, dead?

 

 

Top Tens Return!!

By Kagayaki Ame

 

 

Top Ten reasons Kenshin stays at the Kamiya Dojo…

 

  1. He likes being Kaoru’s little domestic bitch
  2. He’s waiting for Kaoru to give up the poonani
  3. He thinks Sano is a “super-hunky dreamboat!” (Hearts in his eyes)
  4. It’s free. (Hey, it is…)
  5. He’s waiting for Megumi to give up the poonani
  6. It’s the only way he and Sano can carry on their secret affair
  7. Cause Kaoru gives good head
  8. He thinks Dr. Genzai is HOT! (Older men are so sexy… :P )
  9. He’s waiting for Sano to give up the poonani (!!!!!)
  10. Because Kaoru knows what he did last summer

 

Top Ten things you’d never hear from Megumi…

 

1.        Yes, Kenshin, I assure you, it’s absolutely necessary for me to wrap THAT in bandages as well…

2.        Hold still! It’s just a rectal examination, you pussy!

3.        That’s what I’ve waited all this time for, Sanosuke? I barely felt a thing…

4.        Damn, Kenshin. That thing is HUGE!

5.        Oh for God’s sake, Sano, get off! I’ll do it my damn self…

6.        How about I sew a symbol on your gi that means ‘pencil-dick’?

7.        Geez, Kenshin, all you did was break your leg. Walk it off, for goodness sake…

8.        Sure I’ll kiss your ass, Kaoru. Where is it?

9.        I’m sorry Sano I just don’t see it… let me get me tweezers…

10.     I’ve heard that big things come in small packages, Kenshin… you must be the exception to that rule…

 

Top Ten things you’d never hear from Yahiko…

 

1.        * Waving the sakabatou in Kenshin’s face * Come on and take it from me, you pussy!

2.        Nice ass, Tsubame…

3.        Your love is like a roller coaster, Sano, Sano. I wanna ride!

4.        (To Sano) are you me daddy?

5.        Sure I love you, Sakura… Sasami??… Serena???… oh, yeah, right Tsubame

6.        It’s all about give and take, Kenshin. I give it up the ass and you take it…

7.        That’s right, Tsubame… up and down… up and down… up and down…

8.        Look, Kaoru! Sano taught me some new ‘strokes’ last night…

9.        Nice ass, Sano…

10.     Just think of it as some ice cream, Tsubame… that’s right, lick it reaaaaaal slowwwww….