Ganbou no Honoo
(Flame of Desire)
By: Kagayaki Ame
Tomorrow was Kaoru’s 21st birthday and Megumi was trying very diligently to get her to fit snugly into the white and silver kimono that was too large for her small frame. Kaoru stood on an empty soapbox to keep the too long hem from touching the ground.
“How much longer, Megumi? I want to eat. I’m hungry!” Kaoru whined.
“Are you really turning twenty-one tomorrow, Kaoru? You act like you’re barely past one year old sometimes.”
“I do not!” Kaoru said indignantly but stopped squirming and held herself up straight. “I’m just hungry,” she added with matching indignity.
“Women…” Sanosuke shook his head hopelessly. “Only good for one thing…”
Kenshin watched the raven-haired girl from his position on the dojo steps. He maintained a calm demeanor despite the turmoil going on within him. “And what might that be, Sano?” he asked.
Sanosuke smirked. “I’d tell you but you probably wouldn’t know what I was talking about.”
Kenshin looked at him, his manhood slighted. “Try me,” he said a bit dangerously.
Sanosuke put his hands up apologetically. “Hey, man, calm down. I was only joking. But really, Kenshin, when was the last time you had a woman?”
Kenshin smiled ironically and turned back to the two fussing women. “Had a woman’s what?” he asked almost lasciviously.
Sanosuke laughed. When had Kenshin become so vulgar? “What’s gotten into you, buddy? That was almost sick.” Kenshin remained silent. “So, tell me, when did you last sleep with a woman?”
Kenshin paused. “I have to go check on Kaoru’s dinner.” He turned and entered the dojo leaving a bewildered Sanosuke behind.
Truth was, he’d never been with anyone but Tomoe, and until recently, that fact hadn’t bothered him. Not that he wanted just anyone- he knew exactly who he wanted…
He looked through the kitchen window at Kaoru. She was so beautiful. She’d also grown up quite a lot since he first came to live at the Kamiya dojo.
A lot, indeed, a voice said within him. A voice that had become progressively more and more familiar, a voice that, until lately, he hadn’t heard in years…
He continued to set the table trying not to listen to it but failing.
Do not attempt to ignore me, wanderer. I am still just as much a part of you as I was once before. You fear my unveiled truthfulness. It was a truth that once guided you. A truth you believed in…
A truth that was but a lie, Kenshin replied to the voice.
Is it a lie that you desire the girl? Is it a lie that you wish to be the first and last to taste her? Is it a lie that you dream of her and the day she will die and be reborn in your arms? Reborn as your woman and your woman alone?
Kenshin had no answer for the voice.
I am your Battousai spirit. I had always guided you and you lived by me. You abandoned me to settle your soul and appease your heart and I stepped back and understood. But, surely, you know that I am right in this…
Kenshin sighed. You are right but she is too good for me.
The Battousai replied smugly. This is truth. As was Tomoe but she loved you all the same. And because of the selfishness that spawned your inner conflict, you lost her and will surely lose Kaoru as well… unless you do something…
Surely you haven’t forgotten as much. You must take what she so deeply wants to give to you.
And what have I to give her? Kenshin asked angrily. I have blood and pain and sorrow…
Have you? I was certain you’d given that up like you’d done with me…
But you are back just the same.
Listen, ‘wanderer’, I can help you in what you need to accomplish. But you must first decide to put these silly excuses not to do what you so aptly desire to do behind you before you haven’t the chance any longer.
…haven’t the chance…?
What, do you believe she will wait forever for you?
I hadn’t really thought…
Then you are just as selfish as always.
Kenshin remained silent.
So… will you listen to me now or fight with me? I have all the time you do…
Kenshin paused then sighed. Okay. I will listen…
The Battousai within him smiled and grew and Kenshin’s eyes flashed gold…
* * * * *
Kaoru beamed happily as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. “Oh, thank you, Megumi! You did a fabulous job on the kimono, my hair… everything!”
Megumi smiled at Kaoru who looked fabulous in the while and silver kimono. Megumi had swept her hair up into an elaborate style with delicate sakura woven into it. “I only work with what I’m given. I didn’t make you beautiful, I only accentuated your beauty.”
Kaoru turned to her with tears in her eyes. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Certainly.” Megumi answered plainly.
Kaoru smiled and impulsively hugged Megumi who, after her initial surprise, hugged her back.
Kaoru dabbed at the tears with a silk cloth as not to disturb her makeup. “I only wish Kenshim thought so as well…” she said quietly.
Megumi looked up from applying her own lip color. “Kenshin will realize your beauty as well as your soul when he’s ready… the question is, are you willing to wait?”
Kaoru looked at her socked and sandaled feet and sighed. “I don’t know anymore.”
Megumi straightened and smoothed her own blue silk kimono then placed her hands on Kaoru’s shoulders. “You are entitled to want more, Kaoru. We both know Kenshin is a good man, but we also know that he will not do anything until he is ready. He is stubborn.”
Megumi smiled. “In a way, yes. But it is only because he wants to protect you. So it isn’t truly selfishness, but consideration.”
“Protect me from what?!” Kaoru raised her voice and Megumi shushed her.
“From himself. His past. His secret self.”
Kaoru thought about that. “But I don’t want him to hide any of himself from me.”
Megumi smiled and made her way out of the room. “Then perhaps you should tell him that.”
Kaoru stood there for a while before following her outside. Maybe she would… one day…
As they walked through the town to the Akabeko many pairs of eyes followed Kaoru’s no longer hidden form. She didn’t seem to notice the stir she was causing.
But Kenshin did.
And with every stare she attracted, he grew more and more anxious to hold her close and let them know she was his and his alone.
You see what I mean, wanderer. It was only a matter of time before they realized her beauty…
But I have known since I met her. And I have grown to know so much more and truly appreciate it.
Did you really? Why is she not in your arms then?
Kenshin didn’t answer. This would all be resolved very soon.
Kaoru sat in the moonlight on the patio in front of her bedroom, the excitement of her birthday well over. She had her gifts all around her: a stuffed cow doll from Yahiko with ‘ugly girl’ written on the belly; a pretty, decorative makeup box made of ivory from Megumi; a white gi with the symbols for ‘bad girl’ on the back from Sano; and a katana with the most beautiful blue sheath from Kenshin. She had to admit, she loved that the most…
But she was feeling melancholy despite herself. She still didn’t get what she really wanted… what she’d been wanting since Kenshin first arrived in her life…
There was a light knock at her door. She snapped back to reality. “Hai?”
“Kaoru, can I come in?”
She was not a little surprised to hear Kenshin’s voice requesting entry at this hour. There was something in his voice that was different… husky… almost dangerous.
She trembled as she rose, still in her birthday kimono, and went to slide the door open. There stood Kenshin still in the deep blue gi and hakama he’d worn to dinner. He had a look on his face that she’d never seen before. A look filled with determination to achieve… desire. It was mostly in his eyes. They flashed an ever so distinct shade of gold…
They were so close. Kenshin could smell her delicate scent and it made him heady. He wanted to grab her right there, push her into the room and have his way with her but he couldn’t. He and his Battousai spirit had come to a compromise and giving in to that desire would give the Battousai total control…
Would that really be so bad?
Kenshin ignored the voice. “If you want me to come back later…”
Kaoru shook her head to clear it. She’d been so mesmerized by their closeness that she’d forgotten his request. “Oh, no. Gomen. Come in…”
She slid the door closed and stood there for a moment. Their eyes met and locked. Kaoru felt weak under his gaze. It was so direct. So determined. So…
“Hot…” she breathed.
“What?” Kenshin asked puzzled.
Kaoru was finding it hard to concentrate. “Umm… Are you hot? I am…” It took all she had to move and open her window.
She braced herself on the window frame and let the cool night air run over her face.
Kenshin watched her.
You have her already, as I said. All you have to do is take her…
Kenshin strode over to her and stood behind her. “Kaoru, I have something to tell you…”
Kaoru felt his heat radiating behind her and stood slowly only to find herself pressed against him. She gasped as he placed steady arms around her waist.
“I… um.. have something to tell you too…” she breathed.
Kaoru turned around still dangerously close to him. So close that her sweet breath burned his lips when she spoke. “Hai… I don’t want you to…”
Kenshin’s heart sunk. She wasn’t going to tell him she didn’t want him anymore, was she? “Don’t want me to what?” He asked evenly.
His gaze was so unnerving. Her thoughts swirled as she tried to remember what she didn’t want him to do… oh yes…
“I don’t want you to hide yourself from me. I- I want to know all of you. Inside and out. No matter how dark or sorrowful…”
“You do?” Kenshin was relieved.
“Even if it’s only as friends… I want to know.” Kaoru tried to look away from him but couldn’t.
Kenshin closed the final breath between them and kissed her softly.
Kaoru was so overcome with happiness and shock that she just stood there.
“So innocent, so pure…” Kenshin brushed a strand of hair from her face delicately. The tone had returned to his voice. The one that caused her stomach to knot and her knees to weaken.
“I’m not so innocent, you know. I’m not a little girl anymore.”
Kenshin smiled in a way that could only be described as sexy.
“You think I hadn’t noticed?” His voice was filled with burning desire and sensuality now. Something Kaoru hadn’t even been able to conjure in her wildest dreams. She felt like one of Battousai’s victims but instead of being stalked to be killed, she was seduced to be consumed in every little way…
“I’m a woman now…” she said.
Kenshin laughed lightly and reached around to close the window leaving them totally secluded. He wrapped that hand around her to pull her close and said, his lips slightly brushing hers. “Not quite yet… But if you let me, I’ll change all of that.”
Kaoru was beyond words now. She was drowning. She moaned softly.
“Tell me you want me, Kaoru, and I will gladly give myself to you.”
“Tell me.” His voice was reduced to a whisper but held just as much force.
“Yes, Kenshin. I want you. I want you so badly…”
That was all he needed. He claimed her lips and kissed her deeply. He would show her. He would make her a woman. His woman…
Kaoru melted into Kenshin timidly kissing him back.
Kenshin wasn’t so timid. He tightened his embrace wanting her closer to him. He held her up against the wall and broke the kiss. Her lips were red and a bit swollen. Her heavy breaths caused her chest to heave. He took all of her in and slowly ran his hands up her waist to her chest across her breasts and down her shoulders. “You enflame me, Kaoru. Everything about you. Everything you do. Gods, do you know what you do to me?”
Kaoru never imagined Kenshin had such passionate feelings. She looked into his unwavering violet-gold eyes with innocent blue ones. “I – I had no idea…”
He took her small hand in his and guided it to the burning desire below his waist. He closed his eyes when she touched him and braced himself against the wall. “This, Kaoru. This is how you affect me,” he kissed her neck softly. “It’s not only that, either, but my mind… my heart… you intoxicate me.”
Kaoru blushed terribly at the feeling of his member beneath her hand. “I… ah…”
“Shhhh, koibito.” He raised his head to kiss her deeply. Kaoru wrapped her arms around his neck both to keep from falling and to relieve her embarrassment.
“You don’t have to be ashamed, Kaoru.” He slowly slid a hand into her kimono and rested it on her womanhood. “I’m not.” Kaoru moaned and shuddered. Waves of heat and pleasure washed over her. She felt her temperature rising.
“Kenshin…” She was panting already.
Kenshin smirked. He liked being able to break her down with so little effort. He used his middle finger to stroke her petals slowly. “Yes, Kaoru?”
She shuddered again. How could it possibly get any better than this?
He stroked her again going deeper this time. “What do you want, Kaoru?”
She whined weakly. “I want…”
He slid his finger all the way in and drew it back out slowly. He felt her quiver around his deliberate digit. “You want?”
Kaoru moaned raggedly. “I don’t know what I want…”
Kenshin smiled again and nibbled her earlobe then licked the soft curve of her ear and whispered, “Well then, I’ll have to help you name it.” He planted wet open-mouthed kisses on her neck and along her jawbone all the while slowly driving his fingers in and out of her warmth. He soon added another finger and another and increased his speed until Kaoru was panting even harder. “What does it feel like, Kaoru? Tell me…”
She obeyed his gentle command as best she could. “It feels… hot… and wet… and like I’m going to… going to…”
Kenshin leaned forward, an odd satisfaction taking him over. “Like you’re going to… come?”
Kaoru had never heard it put that way before but the way he whispered it so hotly aroused her even more and she shuddered uncontrollably for moments that felt like an eternity.
Kenshin felt her inner muscles grasping, pulling for his fingers that weren’t enough to satisfy her. But Kaoru wouldn’t realize that until later. Her honey poured out onto his fingers like a floodgate that had burst.
Kaoru opened her eyes wearily and looked at Kenshin. He watched her steadily and pulled his fingers out of her slowly. She watched him bring his hand to his mouth and lick his fingers deliberately. Somehow that aroused her again… it was so erotic. She impulsively leaned forward and licked his fingers too, their tongues touching in the process.
Kenshin was a bit surprised that she did that and even more provoked by it. He moved his hand and kissed her deeply, the sweet taste of her mouth mingling with the sweet taste of her juices. He put his arms around her and lifted her easily taking her over to her futon. He placed her on her feet and broke their kiss. Now they were directly in the candlelight and her skin glowed radiantly. She was a new bud opening up for the first time. Opening up to him.
He made a move to untie her obi but she stopped him with gentle hands. “No.” When he looked puzzled, Kaoru continued. “Let me.”
She stepped back from him and held his gaze while expertly untying the complicated obi. The yards of silk fell to the floor and her kimono hung loosely on her allowing him a view of the space between her breasts, her soft, slightly curved tummy, her well muscled but still delicate thighs, the patch of hair as black as the hair on her head that hid her womanhood…
His arousal was now visible even through the cloth of his hakama. Kaoru blushed again.
Kenshin noticed and stepped forward to kiss her. Her led her hands to the belt on his gi and she took the message. Deftly she removed it and the gi. She let her hands roam over his chest and he let his explore inside her kimono, not letting it fall as yet. She felt wonderful with delicate curves and supple skin.
“Take off my hakama, Kaoru,” he demanded huskily.
She did as she was told feeling his muscles tense under her every touch. She tried to avoid touching his arousal, not knowing what would happen, but as the waistband grazed over it and it fell to the floor, his member sprang back up and brushed her hand. She watched Kenshin coil from the touch. He moaned. Curious she touched it again. She got the same reaction. She grasped it lightly and stroked it from base to tip.
“Kaoruuu…” came the tortured reply.
She continued with her ministrations until Kenshin grabbed her hand to stop her. He was the one doing the seducing here, and besides, if she kept it up, he’d come before he got to do what he intended.
“Did I hurt you?” Kaoru asked worried.
Kenshin chuckled. “No, but, I am not finished telling you what I wanted to yet.”
With that he kissed her again and guided her to the floor. She pulled away and shyly pushed the kimono from her shoulders letting it fall completely off. Then she reached up to unwind her long black hair. When she was done, sakura were still in it but it flowed free. She smiled bashfully at Kenshin. Her innocence only made him want her more. He leaned forward and held her close to him. “I love you, Kaoru.” He whispered. The huskiness and lust of the battousai was gone for that moment and all there existed was Kenshin, she nearly cried. She hugged him back and replied, “I love you too, Kenshin.”
He felt like his heart was overflowing. How he’d longed to hear those words from someone again. He parted for her enough to kiss her and lay her on the futon beneath him. Soon, the desire flamed up within him again and his vision flashed gold. He was back and it was time to do what he longed to do.
He trailed hot kissed down her neck and collarbone until he got to her chest. He straddled her and leaned forward flicking his tongue over one semi-taut nipple. She cried out. He took the other breast in his hand and kneaded it slowly with increasing pressure. She squirmed beneath him. He sucked the nipple into his mouth slowly and she gave a ragged cry and arched her back. He delicately nipped at it with his teeth determined to make her scream. “Don’t hold back, Kaoru. Don’t worry about who will hear. I want to hear you say my name…” he growled against her flesh and bit at it again. She arched her back.
“Ohhhh, Kenshinnnn…” she moaned. The heat had well past returned to her center and she felt herself getting wet again.
“Louder, “ he groaned roughly. He made the tip of his member to ever so lightly touch the entrance to her lower lips.
“Kenshin! Oh, Gods….”
Satisfied he switched to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment until she tossed her head wildly and curved her body into his. Then he slowly mad his way down… down… down…
Kaoru lifted her head to see his between her legs. “Kenshin…”
“Shhhh…” He blew gently against her lips and she shivered. “Not another word unless it’s my name.”
He kissed her petals and drew his tongue through them with torturous slowness. This time she moaned loudly. He smiled and continued to treat her like a very hot ice cream scoop. When he slid his tongue in she bucked her hips and pushed his face deeper into her. He licked as deep as he could and grazed his teeth over her delicate folds making her call his name over and over again.
Soon it became too much for him and his member throbbed almost painfully at being made to wait so long. He wanted to make sure Kaoru was ready and more than willing to take him.
He slowly stalked back on top of her, his muscles moving with the precision of a jungle cat. He eyed her hungrily. Kaoru looked at him through eyes hooded with desire and reached up to unbind his hair. His silky red tresses fell around his face and she touched his cheek. The cross shaped scar beneath it was rough compared to the rest of his skin. She traced it, having always wanted to touch him there, just like that. Kenshin leaned into her caress and kissed her palm. Then he lowered himself over her and kissed her ardently while guiding her legs open with his knees. He whispered in her ear, “This may hurt a little but I promise it will fade soon. I’ll stop if you tell me to…”
She kissed the knotted muscle of his shoulder and replied softly, “don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
He positioned himself at her entrance and after a short moment thrust all the way into her. She bit down fiercely on his shoulder. It was a minor pain to tolerate. He held still until she loosened her bite. And sighed.
“Are you okay?” He asked gently.
“Mm-hmm. I feel…”
He started to move out of her slowly. Kaoru moaned loudly. This was nothing like before with his hand. She felt like a void had been filled. A void she wasn’t aware existed.
“You feel…” he prompted huskily driving back into her deeply. She moaned again.
“I feeeel soooo…”
“Goooood.“ He whispered raggedly. He licked her neck and began sucking on it, nipping her every now and then.
Kaoru wanted more. She felt herself going faster and meeting his strong thrusts with thrusts of her own. She put her arms on his behind and pushed. “Harder, Kenshin. Deeper… go deeper inside of me…”
Kenshin putting his arms around her waist and pulling her up into a sitting position on top of him answered her whispered plea. He caressed her back and kissed under her chin. “How’s that?”
Kaoru felt him deeper inside of her body and felt herself pulling on him. “That feels so good, Kenshin…” she moaned.
He drew her nipple into his mouth again and she cried out. He was nearing his release but he wanted her to come with him. He held her hips with his hands and thrust himself into her harder and faster.
“I’m going to do it again, Kenshin,” she cried.
“Do what, Kaoru. Tell me what you’re going to do.” His demand was strained. Her inner muscles stroked him like a million hot fingers.
“I’m going to…” she panted heavily, bouncing on top of him.
“Come on, Kaoru. Come with me. Come with me…”
He thrust harder until he felt her clamp down on him and go rigid in his arms. He exploded within her, filling her with his very soul.
Kaoru saw pure white flash before her eyes. She came and came and came again and finally everything went black.
She woke a little while later to find herself wrapped in Kenshin’s arms in her futon. She looked up at him. He was sleeping peacefully, all signs of the Battousai seemingly gone. She caressed his check and kissed his lips gently. She felt him tighten his grip n her. He opened his eyes sleepily.
“I’m a woman now, Kenshin. Your woman.”
Kenshin smiled. “And I am yours. All of me.”
He kissed her and whispered into her mouth, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Kenshin.”
He held her close, protectively. He knew he’d finally done something totally pure and right, and this time, he wouldn’t lose her.
* * * * *